Emeka was 21years old when his Dad called him one cool friday evening to inform him that his 3 years old sister Ngozi, would be quitting her creche school to resume at the family’s multinational company the following week, as the new managing director of the company.
Emeka became somewhat confused and shocked because it is absurd for his kid sister who could barely recite her creche rhymes fluently, to manage a real-time company. It was just too crazy for him to believe and accept.
Now this is it, just like the position of a managing director is a beautiful one, so is a love relationship beautiful. Moreso, just as it is absurd for Ngozi, a 3year old girl to manage the position without having evolved and grown in the knowledge of what it takes, so is it absurd for you to begin a love relationship without evolving and growing in the knowledge of what it truly takes. Thus, below are 10 key things you should know before being all lovey-dovey;
1. Build/ deepen your relationship with God
How do you know if you are good at being in a relationship? Having a healthy and loving relationship with God is the first step to know.
A thriving relationship with Christ will help you prepare for relationship with other. Because it teaches you that a relationship shouldn’t be performance-based but build on commitment and sacrifice.
While the relationships we see on TV or in our community may give us a highlight reel of what it should look, the Bible tells us the cold truth. That you need to die to yourself daily and offer grace and love even if you don’t feel like it.
2. Live a full life
Do not wait for another person before you do the things you always wanted to do. Maintain a “Single’s Bucket List”. And that Bucket List shouldn’t be any different from your general “Bucket List”. Go on the trip, visit that restaurant, seal that deal. Life is too short to wait for someone to join you in things that you could have done as a Single already.
Dare to live a full life! now as a single person, and if you really like something and feel like that’s something you would enjoy more if you were in a relationship, great, don’t cross it off your list yet and revisit it once you are in a relationship or married.
Don’t make the mistake to wait, when you could be living.
3. Find and pursue your passion
What other interests do you have in life besides work, school, and church?
Don’t get me wrong, all three of these are important and it’s good that they play a big role in your life. But what else do you like? What are your interests, hobbies, and passion?
You see these things make you an interesting person and set you apart as you.
In order for someone to get to know you, you need to know yourself first. So, find and pursue your passion. Because that won’t just make you unique, but it will also help you enjoy being single.
Remember that you will eventually get used to a relationship, and if there is nothing outside of your daily routine that you enjoy, you will get bored.
And if you don’t know your interests yet, it’s fine. Go and find some. Go outside, try out different things and ask yourself “Do I enjoy this or not?”. Explore, engage and evaluate your interests.
4. Desire marriage, but don’t worship it
Desiring marriage is nothing to be ashamed of. It is noble to enjoy and anticipate something that God calls ‘a good thing’.
However, it becomes a problem if it’s all that’s on your mind.
For a lot of Single people, marriage becomes an idol and is all they think about day in and day out. The problem with that is, that you lose sight of what God calls you to do/ be in your season of singleness.
In order to really be happy and single, you need to set your mind on things above like scripture says (Colossians 3:2). You need to diligently work on God’s kingdom here and now. Because even in your season of singleness He has a divine purpose for you.
Marriage is not the end be all of what life is. So don’t worship the idea of marriage that you set your expectations so high, that when you do get into a relationship, it won’t live up to it.
5. Learn to steward your household
When you live alone you learn a lot. You learn to steward your own money wisely enough to cover your monthly bills. You learn to manage your cleaning schedule disciplined enough to welcome spontaneous guests. And you learn how to budget, live frugally and spend on things that really matter.
It might not sound like fun, but it is a great way to grow into a happy single person.
6. Become the best version of yourself
A lot of people spend time wishing that they were skinnier, healthier or fitter. And when you ask them what keeps them from achieving those things it’s usually laziness.
One of the benefits of being single is that you have time. But are you motivated?
Enjoy being single by exercising and eating healthy. Your goal might not be to run a marathon next year, but why not strive for more endurance or a lower cholesterol level.
Becoming the best version of yourself is a journey that increases self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love. You learn to appreciate your body more, understand how it works and treat it better.
After all, your body is not just the house you live in, but also the temple of the Holy Spirit.
7. Spend time with other like-minded Singles
While you love doing things solo and becoming your own favorite person, have time to socialize with others. Especially other Christian Singles. Nothing beats community with other believers that can lift you up when you are having a bad day and relate to your burden.
So benefit from the time you have now and meet new people in your local community/church but also at events. Use it as an opportunity to develop your interpersonal skills and become a well-rounded social person.
8. Practice self-care
Choose a day to rest and celebrate yourself, your life and the little things that make life worthwhile.
Give yourself a treat! Maybe from a walkout in the morning, a lunch in the afternoon a manicure right after and some shopping or a movie in the night(probably in your home with your digital device and local popcorn).
Do all this not to drain your bank account (even though that might happen anyway), but remember that life is worth living here and now. So, practice self-care by doing something for yourself once in a while. Don’t save all your money and dreams for a time in the future that isn’t promised.
9. Get involved in ministry, local community/ missions and volunteering activities
As mentioned earlier, God created your life for a purpose. He is not surprised by the number of years you have as a not-yet-married person. He actually intended for you to go through this season for a reason.
Hurts? Welp, get over it. The faster you find peace and contentment in your single season, the sooner you will be able to start working on your divine calling. God needs you to stop crying and instead get involved in building his kingdom.
Get involved in ministry by serving at your church, cleaning up your local community or embarking on a missions trip. Doing something that allows you to change the perspective and service will help you enjoy singleness more.
10. Invest in yourself
Enjoy investing in yourself. Give yourself a treat, travel, work in ministry… Start that thing in your bucket list which could be an investment in yourself andyour future.
Yes, starting might not be cheap in terms of monetary and time value but you have to start somewhere anyway.
Does that mean you have to create a blog in order to invest in yourself?Maybe… You could start the online jewelry business you’ve been thinking about, the cooking channel on YouTube showcasing your 5-minute vegan sandwiches or going on a short research trip to find out the feasibiity of that idea.
Whatever helps you to get to the next level of yourself, invest in it. Because later on when you’re married and have kids your time and resources will be limited as your mind will be pulled into different directions.
WRITTEN BY QUEENSLY BENSON